faith

i want to have faith in things, i do.  i want to believe in the balance of the universe, in the ebb of the journey, in the peace that we are supposed to find.  and i have felt it before.  spent months tacking the bits and pieces of my life on the wall.  re-arranging the pieces.  trimming the sides.  i have pushed myself to do things that were not that easy to do.

and i am suddenly no longer young.  i can see it in the wrinkles that are etching their way into my brow and i can see it in the hangovers i get when i stay up too late playing uno on the deck, not even drinking, but it's just that lack of sleep.

and i have watched you turn gardens and craddle friends and it was in your basement that i first got really drunk and i have never wanted that back, that uncertainty of being young, but it is hard to know what to say to you right now and i wish we could just sit around your fathers old record player and listen to kenny loggins and have everything be quiet in that old time way.