journeys

i didn't sleep well. i had bad dreams. weird ones. woke up unimpressed. undecided. uninterested in seeing anything. doing anything. knowing you. they were the piss off kind. all the things. boys kissing girls they shouldn't. people telling lies. belly aches. stupid so cal places. when i dream i am back in la its like i am dreaming about dying. that city and it's sunshine.

i leave for paris today at six. i can't muster up the things.

so maybe i'll have a sweet plane-meal. take an ativan. cause that's how i roll in the sky. i'll watch some romantic comedy and cry. think about how much i hate. all the things.

fuck. maybe a shower will help.

maybe i just need some coffee. or to smash the mouths. or to hold their ears to the fire.

i can't wait to divorce that family of faces that spent 5 years slandering me. i can't wait to stop saying 'i don't care what they say'. because i care. of course i care.

and this gray day has nothing nice for me to say today.