i am being haunted. in the most spectacular ways. sweet sweet dreams and ivan is there so tenderly for me. and i wake up to my little family in our little house and i feed jenckes and whisper my good byes to joe and then ivan and i walk to the t stop together and i feel him everywhere holding close to me and sometimes i wonder if i am losing my mind but these dreams are like nothing i have ever had before and some days i can hardly breath and i don't want even one sound, one movement, one thing to happen. i don't want him to go away again. and when the day breaks with snow flakes or sun sky the world becomes it's cold cold place and i am alone again. and i am running out of numbers to call. faces to pull. places to hide. dead friends piled next to my bed.
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