on friday there was a lab error that prompted a rush to the emergency room and blood tests to check to see if my kidneys were working. and i lost ten years of my life to the stress of. not again. and there was that fleeting moment sitting on that mass general stretcher when i gave up a little thinking, maybe this is the life i am meant to have. maybe this is all it's ever gonna be.
and i was less scared and more forsaken.
i gave up.
only to find out i was okay.
two special little girls in my life had birthday parties this weekend though i only was able to go to one.
joe and i watched a little league game, sat on rocks, and played ball. those are the moments that feel just right. i have never wished for a life of weekends like i do lately.
i am trying hard to lift this weight. to take care. to let it go. but it's still hard to do, with him gone, and knowing what i know.
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