it didn't occur to me til i was falling asleep last night that i do things like the ms walk and the liver walk for me as much as i do them for my parents. it is so moving looking around at the huge groups of families and co-workers and friends who all know something about living with that disease we are walking for. i realize i wish i had that. wish i had a group or even a doctor who knew that much about what i had, what would come next and what i had been through. i wish there was a name for the thing i am fighting. i wish there was a pamphlet i could read. i wish there was some hope beyond stemcell research or the idea that through all that ms and diabetes research going on out there maybe they will find a way to fix my nerve injuries too.
my leg feels like there are a million tiny ants crawling in it. my feet itch in the deepest way. and burn. and my thigh goes numb. and i can't feel my leg except for pain. it's unrelenting. it's dead weight.
i am on crutches again. i am considering buying a wheelchair. i don't want to miss things because my leg is too weak and my arms are too sore to carry me.
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