you never

dear dead beat friends & family,
the ones who "felt bad" for josh, or didn't believe/trust how hard i tried and pleaded with him to make things work, and those of you who were too consumed with your own insecurity about your own boyfriends/girlfriends to sit with me, i want you to know:

i don't forgive you.

i thought i would feel appeased when you apologized after finding he stepped out our door into the bed of the first girl he met and stayed there (really. she was his neighbor). or when it turned out he moved in with her before we were even divorced. i thought that the ways he proved his disregard and inattention to our relationship would give me peace.

and it did. and the friends who were there. the family. the love i was able to find when i finally took the time to ask myself what i needed. i've built a home that has feet that can actually support me for the first time ever.

there is a reason i can't muster the energy to take your calls or to meet you for a cup of coffee down the street.

i don't forgive you.

and i don't think i will. i don't think i even want to.

i learned something from the hours i spent making cupcakes for your parties and discussing the merits of dating married men or men who will never seem to commit to really being with you (things i would never do but never judged you for). i learned that the friends i want to keep are more like me and nothing like you.