mri

she is listening to me but pointing at them. i am watching things as they fall down.

i am listening to the sounds that ivan is receiving.

joe is behind me but i move so fast. spiral staircase and the noise coming out of my throat is carrying me. i can't let her fall.

the loud crashes. mri sounds. pink lights when i close my eyes. i think it was a panic attack. i don't think the machine was really burning my back.

right after the lady in the scrubs moved my bed into the tube she said 'what a way to go. how did she die? she sat on a wine glass. can you imagine?'

what i want to say is 'i have struggled for 7 years to stop imagining just that.' instead i say nothing.