cause it is hard as shit to do anything well when you feel like you are going to throw up every second of the day. i spend my day drinking carrot juice and dreaming of enchiladas. wondering how i could possibly feel this full after eating a fuckin rice cake. what the hell dude.
i am tired of
holding
on.
this was not in the agreement i made with the universe.
fuck the small print.
you should have told me it was gonna be this bad.
maybe i would have reconsidered this journey.
cause this is shit. cause this is bad.
cause i am starving and sick and i feel so weak and dizzy it makes me feel panicky.
and this is shit.
and i am not really in the mood.
and i am scared of dying. want to know what happens there. i wish i believed in that heaven full of dead friends and open hands. but when i think of dying i think of that day in the emergency room when i held on for my life trying to stop this thing that was stronger than me. and when i couldn't hold on anymore there was nothing. no montage. no white light. just this blackness. and i was alone.
and how will they know how much i love them if that is the dying. and how will i know they are okay if that is the dying. and where will i be. and will i even know i am dead.
or will it all just go away.
like ivan and leigh and zac just
went
away
from me.
No comments:
Post a Comment