the worst in me

suicide brings out the worst in me.

i want to hate you. any of you. all of you.
i want to make it your fault. just to have a name. a blame.
something to direct my broken bottles to.

i want to kick you when you are down. and up. and over.
i want to kick right through you.

i want to make you cry. watch you die. because this is all because of you.

i want to hate you. because i could never hate him. i want to break you.
because he is already broken.

and i know that none of it is true. i know the no-ones fault talk. i have
my masters degree in that mental health shit. but the things you know don't
change the things you feel.

and if it's your fault then maybe i can really believe that there was nothing i
could do.

and if it's your fault then maybe i can believe that it wasn't my fault too.