how long can you hold your breath? how still can you sit? how many weeks can you wait?
the days pass so slow. hood up. face down. counting ring tones and tv shows and assigning tasks to pass the time. bake some cookies, clean the stove, do some laundry, make lists. places you will go. places you will eat. recipes to cook. presents to buy. things to-do. people to-be. moments to-look-forward-to.
you think you know it all. you think you know what love is. until it happens. and you realize, you never really knew. and its not until the breaking that you realize what all these months you have been making. and its not until you tell all the truths that you know what you have done and what it has become. and you said you wanted to be a little destroyed but that was before you knew what destroying really felt like. but you wouldn't take it back because you sit there watching the walls cave in and all you can say is don't go, don't go, there is nothing left but please. don't. go. and that is when you know that you never knew what love was before. and that is when you know that you never knew how to tell the truth before. and that is when you know that they can bury you with the house. bury you with those eyes. bury you where you lie. because you are not going to go without him. because there is nowhere left to go. because where would you go? because he was your home. and you couldn't know. until you know.
so much depends on the u and i of it. so much depends on just making it through to another day.
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