rock

i am trying to be your rock.
i am trying to not go away.
i am trying to believe in the impossible things.
i am trying to mean it when i listen to that depeche mode song.

but i am not sure if i do.
i am not sure if i can take it.
i am not sure i know how to not break when my heart is broken.
i am not sure i know how to not run when the walls are crashing down.

and the walls are crashing down.
and you took something from me when you said those words.
and i believed and i believed but i don't know how to now.

after that.

after this.

and my heart has been broken before.
i have lived through deaths and i have lost everything.
i have passed a winter alone in the back of a house broken right in two while around me life went on. years passed. my body failed. and i was scared. fuck.
i was scared.

but i did it and i will do it again.

and maybe i don't need you.
and maybe i don't want you.
but maybe it was just nice to think that for once, and this time.
it was going to be that way.
and i would have you.