Light

last night a drunk dial woke me in the middle of the night and i found myself crying before i even knew what was happening. i spent the better part of the early morning laying in bed wondering if this is how its gonna be again. how do you get it back? that safety, that peace, i worked so long and hard for. sometimes just getting out of bed in the morning feels like the hardest thing in the world to do. i feel bad. like physically bad. my stomach hurts. i can't sit still. it's like i can't think of one place, one person, one thing that could make me feel okay. so instead my own skin feels like it is suffocating me. my heart races. i lose my voice. my sweater feels like it is strangling me.

so breath deep. send your calm to me. remind me again how it is that i can be.

how time will tell.

how things get better when you just remember to hold on and let go.

or why don't you come here now.
and hold me.