Memorial

So here we are again. We lost another friend. Chip, Melinda, and now Ivan. It breaks my heart. The Zimmerman's feel like a part of my own family. Our moms are best friends, Ivan was my first love, Esther, Sam, all of you....
It's hard sometimes to remember that when we met we were all just kids. Those years of the Soul Brothas, the Sisters, The Get along Gang when Chip and Melinda were both alive and dating and Kira had dreads. Nights passed in the shed and Matty T's basement. Those were some of the most carefree days of my life. When I started thinking about what I could say about Ivan here today, what memories I could share, it was overwhelming. Where to start? After so many years Ivan feels like a part of me. I could talk about how Ivan used to save the purple skittles for me, how he called me chief, about the time my dad had him and Matt move a gigantic log across our driveway the day after prom and we had all been up all night. There was my sweet 16 birthday at the cabin where the girls all drank Zima out of sprite cans and the boys played with the fire. Going to Friendly's for loaded fried and a bottomless pot of coffee and we would smoke cigarettes and talk til the waitress kicked us out. Or when Ivan got a new pager and wouldn't give me the number until I PROMISED to stop paging him 9-1-1- all the time.
Ivan had the best laugh.
Ivan told the best stories.
Ivan had the bluest eyes.
I am sure everyone here remembers the way Ivan told his stories. The way his smile and his laugh would get inside you. The way it felt to be by his side.
Ivan was the kind of friend that could see into people. He had the ability to offer comfort and love to the people in life that in the end he was not able to give to himself. Ivan was there for me through every major milestone in my life reminding me of who I was and where I came from. I am who I am today because of what Ivan gave me all those years.
When Ivan and I reconnected recently I couldn't believe how little had changed between us. He was still the same old Ivan joking about the Lisa Loeb I used to sing at him and the nights I stumbled across the hall without my glasses on knocking into things. But he also had a weariness and a wisdom like he had lived a lot in the 2 years since we had spoken. And I believed that we would always have each other to get through the hard times. I hope Ivan knew how much better my life was with him in it. I hope he knew how deeply I loved him. I feel so alone now that is he gone but I hope that he has found the peace that had been so elusive for him in his lifetime. It breaks my heart to say good bye to another friend, to say good bye to Ivan, and I will forever love and miss him.